Lol
I personally like 'School as Thrown Rope' myself. While it was my escape from home, I certainly wasn't in a position to really actually apply myself and spending so much time bending to fit in meant that in reality - for me at least, it was never really cocooning in the way I think of a refuge being. School was by no means perfect, and very hard work (if only I'd applied that effort to my studies rather than fitting in!) but boy was it better than home.
In terms of advocacy, because I didn't idealise school I certainly don't think it's a sacrilege when my dd reports (or more accurately demonstrates) issues with school (preschool at the moment). I feel that I am not too bad at advocacy based on the results that I have achieved (good relationships with educators, my daughter�s need being met � at least to date � I may well prove myself wrong!) I think where I have actually been really lucky with the upbringing I had is that so many of my needs were not met that in my case it eventually dawned on me that as no one else was going to do that for me, I�d have to do it myself (I am very grateful that that is I path I chose, as it could well have been the opposite). I am also very aware that my parents didn�t set out to not meet my needs; they just weren�t in a position to do so. I guess I see school and the broader community as an extension of that � people aren�t deliberately not meeting our kids needs, they often just can�t (due to their own personal beliefs, experiences, circumstances, lack of training and education etc).
My (some might say extreme) self sufficiency means that while she is little, where it becomes really apparent that dd�s need aren�t going to be met and that the situation cannot be resolved (and I�m talking sustained evidence, not just a bad day at preschool), then I will do what I can to find something better. I also encourage her to stand up for herself so when she�s bigger she can advocate for herself. Where my years of training myself to fit in pays off is that I can read people very well, I can ask questions that give me an insight in to what motivates people and respond to them in a way that they find appealing (manipulative much?) The results of those interactions also give me a pretty good indication as to whether or not a situation will work, without burning any bridges.
So I don't really blame 'schools'. I think that as a community (in the broad sense, not just 'the gifted community') we have created a situation where it is really hard for schools to meet the needs of kids who fall outside the 'norm'. I think there is such a culture of competition that it makes it hard for any school to trust parents, I think that government schools aren't adequately funded to go beyond the basics and I think that they have little incentive to do so either. I think the gifted community (and in that I include parents of gifted kids whether the parents identify as gifted themselves or not), don't speak up enough to make giftedness 'normal' in the sense that it's just another set of needs that has a right to be supported. I feel (and I suspect others might disagree) that we spend too much time hoping teachers will �discover� our kids, and put too much effort in to being careful not to tread on any toes. I think we put up with too much substandard treatment. I also think, importantly, that we don't give teachers a chance by not being straight up them about who our kids are. If we keep giftedness a secret, teachers don�t get a chance to respond to it. We put them on the back foot when we hope they find something they are often not trained or experienced in finding and it�s no wonder they�re often then on the defensive when we confront them (however gently) for not finding it. That said, I also think - in Australia at least � we have a fair few teachers among the great ones who should no longer be in the profession, but that�s a general education issue rather than anything gifted specific! - I apologise for the �I thinks�, I am just really aware that this is just my view and it has informed my advocacy.
So perhaps the greatest gift I got from my upbringing is that a problem is rarely caused by just one thing and just how much you have to loose by not speaking up. But also I learnt the value of diplomacy and tied together, while I wouldn�t say I enjoy advocating for my daughter, I feel ok about how I go about it. I wouldn�t presume to speculate on whether other people in my circumstance have come out with the same approach, but so far � it�s been a plus from an advocacy perspective.
Sorry� I got a bit carried away
