I thought about this over the weekend. I'm still not sure what category fits. In K-8, I always got the message that I was different because I was smart. I never got the message that there was anything wrong with me. I was different in a good way. The school itself tried several different ways to deal with me -- grade acceleration, subject acceleration, independent study. Some of these efforts led to social isolation -- extra recess by yourself feels oddly like punishment. For the most part, they kept me relatively happy. (Category 3?)
As a teen, I struggled more. I went to a small Catholic girls high school. Academically, it wasn't horrible but it wasn't great. With a few minor exceptions, there were no academic challenges. I was the only student who signed up for AP Calculus and Physics so the classes weren't offered. I battled with perfectionism and felt like I was never allowed to make mistakes. At that age, being significantly different didn't feel like a good thing. I got sarcastic and arrogant. It was easier to feel different if I pushed people away before they could push me away. I knew my high school was not a good fit and saw college as my salvation. (Category 1/2?)
For college, I went to an Ivy League school. For the first time in my life I was "average" and had horrible study skills. I got my first "B" ever and had no idea how to deal with it. My first semester of college was one of the hardest periods of my life. Aside from the academic issues, socially I could not relate to my freshman dorm. By some weird quirk, my freshman hall was full of wealthy/trust-fund kids from the upper east side of Manhattan. My parents were scrapping to send me there while these kids complained because their dad only gave them enough money to buy an inexpensive new car instead of the BMW/Porsche that they wanted. Several of them abused cocaine. By Thanksgiving, I wanted to get away from what I saw as my academic "failure" and from that crowd.
Mercifully, I stayed and found a good group of friends in my second semester. Academically though, I felt like a fake. I figured out ways that I could game the system because I didn't have the time management skills to do all of the assigned work. I got mostly B's with the occasional A in subjects that caught my interest. I still managed to get in a scientific honor society but didn't feel like I deserved it. In many ways, I cheated myself in college often doing the bare minimum. Sadly, once the challenge was there, I did not rise to it. (Category 2?)
So, what kind of parent am I? I keep close watch on my kids and try to make sure that they are being appropriately challenged. I've got one who finds school, even the gifted program, easy. I think that she would be a candidate for grade acceleration but socially she doesn't want to do it. I've talked to her about not wanting to wait until college to be challenged. The other is a gifted dyslexic who understands hard work and perseverance much better.
I've found that their comfort in their current gt program is largely teacher dependent. They do best with the ones who don't adhere strictly to the district's pacing and curriculum guidelines. They've struggled the most with teachers who are less flexible and tend toward the punitive.
