You guys have gotten me through this day!!! Thank you! I sent ds to grandpa's house and went out for a manicure/pedicure and a hair appointment. I feel like a new woman! It helped getting a little time away from ds for me to get it together. Of course, I'm still worried, but I feel like I can start fresh next week with a new, more relaxed approach. I'm also going to try to limit downtime by adding in some more games and outings.
Yippee! This is very good news.
I have to say, ds isn't a behavior problem so much as he's just exhausting to be with sometimes. It's more about the hypersensitivities, negativism, perfectionism, and meltdowns (not angry, more like "poor me") than it is about misbehavior. He is never defiant nor does he try to break rules. He's just impulsive, and like my dh always says, for someone so smart, he sure does some dumb things! LOL
I would certianly check your insurance and see if Occupational Therapy is covered for your son. Then I would look for an OT that does 'Sensory Integration' with kids. There is no need for you to just 'grin and bear' the hypersensitivities. They are treatable. 6 is a great age to do so. You have the time. Get going!
I have no patience for giving up on things. That's probably the biggest issue for me.
Ummm, do you know who you sound like here? Do you have a little 'devil' inside of you too?
Read up on overexcitabilities. He isn't doing this to 'get' you, he is showing what is inside that was never safe enough to show at school or with Dad. But it's real to him. The OT will help. Time will help. These emotional melt downs will help.
Ds just expects to understand everything the first time he tries, and he wants to do it HIS way. He is certain that HE knows the best way to do something.
Let Him! Ask him how he wants to learn multiplication. Help out if you can, and back off if you can't. It's his learning. At age 6 he would still be adding 1+2 at most schools. Really. Of course you can skip count while you are walking down the steps. Just don't let on that you are doing it 'for him.'
For example, we were working on multiplication today. I'm trying to use nontraditional methods, so we were using his trains. We were only doing 2X1, 2x2, etc. I'm pretty sure he understands the concept, but I need to know for sure. So, I explained what to do and demonstrated. "2X3, we want to make two groups of three, now count the total." No, he wanted to do it in his head or use his fingers. Using the trains was "boring."
Totally normal, they probably did way to much of this with counting and adding at his school.
When we got to the higher numbers, he couldn't do it in his head immediately (he doesn't have the times tables memorized) so he freaked out, started crying, said how stupid he is, how he can't do ANYTHING! We hear this so often now, I'm immune. I feel that it's his way of manipulating. I don't think he really believes he's stupid.
He is having a tantrum. It's probably not manipulating because it sure doesn't 'get' him anything. I think it is just his process, his way of thawing out his disappointments from school,part of the healing process. I've spend many years with folks to sincerely believe that this is the path to emotinal healing: rc.org.
I know I'm his mom, but is it my job to jump through hoops to create an unrealistic perfect world for ds?
nope, it's your job to nurture yourself through these tough times when he will need to cry and cry over his sorrows, and learn that learning is a process, and it's ok not to get it right the first time. You can be open with him about your trial and error process of figuring out how to assist him with learning.
I think I'll look for some books on dealing with perfectionism. That's probably the hardest thing to deal with and it's the toughest thing for us to help ds deal with. I want him to feel good about himself. He's the most loving, caring, sensitive child I've ever known (we probably all say that!),
no we do not. He probably is loving and caring and sensitive - it all goes together sometimes.
I'm very proud of you JenSMP! Can you get grandpa to pitch in on a regular basis? I love how much you are learning about yourself and your son and your clear love for him.
Smiles and Waving Proudly,
Grinity
