I don't think anyone style of parenting works in every situation. It's often a case by case basis. These discussions are hard b/c someone will take something as an absolute when it really isn't. smile

I think much of it is in the delivery. Parent A can say something and it's taken the right way but Parent B can say it w/ a quite different tone and it can be very negative. I also think intent is important. Also, I think the personality on the receiving end must be taken into account.

FOr ex: FOR YEARs, I heard how I embarrassed my mother by the way I was dressed, how she didnt want to be seen w/ me in public dressed the way I was yada yada yada. It fell on deaf ears. Her discomfort was her problem not mine. My mom is a Southern Bell and is dressed to kill to go grocery shopping. I was just fine in jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt w/ no makeup (GASP the HORROR) laugh. Instead, I try to impart to my DC about what their appearance/behavior communicates to others and if that is the message they won't to convey - leaving my discomfort out of it. That usually works. 8-)