I question the wisdom of teaching children that they are entitled to a lengthy negotiation and/or explanation for every decision.
This is one we'll have to agree to disagree on. I don't believe I can teach my son to make good decisions on his own, if I don't explain the logic behind my decisions. That does not mean he can demand an explanation at any time or place. But he learned quickly that I will always explain later if he asks.
I don't buy the assertion that teaching our children to comply with appropriate rules and expectations for behavior is the same as teaching children to obey inappropriate or unsafe directions given by other adults. That is a separate teaching point. As a parent I believe it is my responsibility to teach my children to differentiate between reasonable rules and expectations (which I expect them to follow without wasting everyone's time or making everyone else miserable) and inappropriate, dangerous or otherwise unreasonable rules, directions or expectations.
I tend to be a bit oversensitive in this area because we had a HORRIBLE K teacher. She deemed her rules to be reasonable, I did not. She would send students to the corner for up to an hour at a time. She would not allow certain students to use the bathroom during the day but would allow others to do so and flaunt it. She often took my son's artwork, erased it and colored it for him because it was "not pretty enough." While I advocated on my end, I also encouraged him to advocate for himself in an appropriate and respectful way.
I have become increasingly concerned over the past ten years or so by the entitlement mindset of so many young adults--there seems to be a sense that if they can come up with a rationalization for why they did or did not do something (e.g. fail to fulfill a responsibility; fail to meet criteria set by an employer or instructor), then the rationalization negates any actual problem or liability for the consequence. Is this because these young people were not taught to respect rules and expectations set by others? Is it because they were taught that if they didn't agree with a rule/expectation it could be discussed away? Or at least delayed by their right to negotiate or challenge it?
I have taught middle and high school off and on for ten years. I do believe that there has been a shift, but I don't think it has anything to do with rationalization or negotiation. From my observation, it has to do with severe materialism, parents who buy love instead of spending time with their kids and parents who do not teach their kids about the common good. I've had too many parents start conversations with me that begin with "Don't you know who I am." The entitlement pours off of them and on to their kids.
I also think there's a huge difference between teaching a child to obey and teaching a child to understand why they should obey.
