But what if DC counters with - how does him not brushing his teeth affect anyone else but himself? Most people would not know whether or not he brushed his teeth. Usually for my DS (the kid I mentioned w/ cavities is luckily, not mine) visits to the dentist generally gets him back in line. He will huff and puff on his way to the bathroom but he does do it.
I've definitely told DS that I don't want to be around someone w/ his behavior nor would i take him out in the mood he's in, etc and give him time to refocus and consider his behavior.
generally if I tell DS what the natural consequences are for ex: not getting dressed, I don't want to go out w/ someone w/ holes in their pants etc he does what needs to get done. My issue w/ consequences is that sometimes (and this is not in my family) is that the consequence is one that everyone suffers. For ex: say DC1 refuses to get dressed on time so everyone misses the movie. I have a friend whose DC's conseqences negatively impacted his siblings outings (sports practices, etc). Then i find it hard to stick to natural consequences and imposed consequences come more into play. Luckily I don't have huge issues with my kids. Most of mine revolve around taking 40min to empty the dishwasher b/c of too much playing while it's getting done. IT's more an issue of time seeming endless.....yes mom we can play LEGOs for 4hrs, then play soccer for an hour, and go to the park, and do school for 3hrs, and read to me for 2hrs, and sleep for 9hrs, and watch 2 one-hour history channel shows, play in the bath for an hour, sit and have dinner for an hour, and watch Myth Busters before bed.
the tough thing about parenting is that someone will find something negative and positive in everything. It makes it hard to know exactly what to do. I read in a book that when the child hits and you say you don't want to be around that person etc, that is seen as removal of affection.
I don't see my family as strictly a corporate environment. However, when everyone does what they are supposed to do when they are supposed to do it, we have a lot more time for the fun stuff. So for example, if we need to get out early, I remind them of everything that needs to be done, in what time frame so that we can do whatever it is we need to do. It's easier when it's something fun but sometimes it's for a doctor's appt...I still expect those things to get done w/out much discussion. I won't accept the natural consequence of being late for the appt, having to wait another month for an appt, and then pay $25 no-show fee. If that's corporate, so be it. I joke w/ them "WOW our family is running like a well-oiled machine!" and then i might do a cheer lol. But it gets everyone moving and out the door.
To me the dishwasher example is both a corporate and a communal relationship...there were consequences for the entire family - lunch was delayed, b/c something was done. There can be consequences for an entire lab if someone doesn't do what they are supposed to. SOmeone leaves early and doesn't make the cell media for the next day - everyone's research is delayed.
