Hi Belle,
I think it is time to 'move up the food chain' perhaps with a courtesy email to the teacher, cced to the principal, just reviewing what you hear at the meeting to be sure that you understood her meaning clearly and restating your concerns, highlighting a few pertinent quotes from the report, and notifing that you plan to talk to the princp.
If all else fails, perhaps you could send him on pull out day, and homeschool him the rest of the time.
In the meantime, be sure to set up situations where you can point out to DS that he is considerate, patient, able to find quiet ways to occupy himself when bored, good at handling strong feelings while staying in control, inventive, and good at studying people.
Perhaps he would be allowed to read a book while the other children do stuff he already knows how to do? In 4th grade my son suddently had no more behavior problems, because the teacher tacitly agreed to let him read as soon as he finished his seatwork. Of course, this didn't encourage him to put much effort into his seatwork, but perhaps this won't be bad as a temporary measure.
Best Wishes,
Grinity
