Oli, I really sympathize with your reaction to the lists. I had pretty much the same reaction to them.
I have a series of books can't remember the exact titles, something like Your 1 year old, etc.. that listed developmental milestones in separate lists for each age in physical, emotional, social areas. List 1 was "the majority of children this age should be able to do these (if your child is not you should consider talking with your pediatrician)." List 2 was "many children this age can do these." List 3 was "a few children this age can do this." I'm noticed that most other lists I've read seem to lean to somewhere between list 1 and list 2 and my sons have always been generally around list three or beyond for most categories.
At first that made no sense to me because my kids were my measurement for normal (even though I've done daycare and other childcare work). It finally sank in when I started paying attention to a couple other children I know very well who fall in the bright, but not gifted category. I have a close friend who has a daughter a couple years older than my eldest and her youngest is just a couple months younger than my little one. My eldest works at a higher level than her oldest in pretty much all areas and my youngest seems at least 6 months to a year farther along than the age difference between him and the younger girl would lead you to expect.
I've just recently realized what my particular issue was with all this. It just made no sense to me that something that just came so simply and easily to my kids could possibly be not as simple or easy for other kids. The thing is that my friend probably does more stuff with her girls than I do with my boys. They have at least as many opportunities to soak up information, but they just don't do it the same way my two do.
I have kids who are different enough from the kids that are the norm for the charts that it was hard for me to accept that it was my kids that were different and easier for me to accept that the charts must be wrong. It actually took me quite a bit of time and emotional stress to come to terms with it. I really had to adjust a lot of my preconceived ideas about how my life with my kids would be because of it. Because they are who they are conventional schooling probably will not be an option for either of them, more than likely they will be having to deal with knowing that they are different from other children from an early age, and I have the possibility of early college entrance for them haunting me like a ghost on the horizon. It has been a big adjustment for me, but they are still who they are. I just had to figure out what they were and accept it.
Not that this is what you are going through, but when I read your post it reminded me SO much of that time in my life that I felt I should share my perspective...
