Hi MNTC,
I feel your pain! I also was writing a behavior chart for my son in 1st grade - for those very same qualities + 'kept my hands to myself'
You have to face a few things (IMHO)
1) You son is HG or PG, (highly gifted or Profoundly gifted) not MG (moderatly or regularly gifted), so even 'experts' in regular giftedness, aren't seeing kids like your kid very often. Hopefully, this MD will be one of the alert ones who understands LOG, level of giftedness. It makes a huge difference. But be aware that this is one of those situations where the athorities may, with very good intentions, be clueless. ((Apply to
http://www.davidsongifted.org/young...holars___Qualification_Criteria_384.aspx I know that you are one point off, but, give it a try anyway. Even if you don't get accepted, think about it, kids with one point higher than your child have IQ's too high to be measured. One tenth of one percent? What does that tell you? Nothing specific, but it should give you a gut feeling that you aren't dealing with 'regualarly gifted issues.'
((My son's (now age 12) distribution of scores is very very similar to your son's. It is a littel scary to me how similar their histories are but I guess it could be coincidence.))
2) Your son may or may not have ADHD. You may never full have an answer to that question. In the long run, it doesn't really matter - take the advice you can, and see if it works for you. I think martial arts are a wonderful idea. We didn't do it because my DH has a 'thing' about marital arts. ((I'm the one with a thing about medication - we all have our things, right?))
3) Find out what the average age, and the range of ages are in your son's classroom. Even though a gradeskip was the 'only way to go' for our son, and it has worked out - it is a tough climb for kids like our boys with PS 106. I know that gifties are supposed to be more mature than their agemates, but some of them are only more mature 'in some ways' - mine is all over the place on the maturity scale (if there was one) I could tell you stories that would make your hair stand up on end, but my DS12 is a really good boy. Keep in mind, and you may want to ask the teachers to keep in mind, that while this placement is correctfor your son, overall, there will be a few areas, here and there, where his real age leaks through. Your son was early enteranced. The rest of the boys in his class may have been held back. There could be a 2 year spread. No wonder he acts a bit 'babyish' at times. I don't think that this is cause for alarm.
4) It must have been really, really scary to be in that school meeting and have all the seasoned experts asking you 'what do you suggest.' This is not at all unusual given your son's LOG as demonstrated by his IQ scores. The good news on this is that now you aren't alone - you have us. Tell us about what school is like for your son, the ups and downs, and we will give you ideas that you can take to your team. Sounds to me like the GT teacher could be sending 3 3rd graders up to GT math with the 4th Graders easily, yes?
5) The biggest worry that I have when reading about your family is the 'debate and argue' thing. What a pain in the neck. It is so so so difficult to disipline a kid with a 8 year old emotional system and a 12 year old talking system. I read and re-read Sylvia Rimm on this on.
6) This is going to take a long, long, long time to sort out - luckily you have a long time - your kid is 8! Yippee!
Here are some things that helped us:
1) Get structured and strict on bedtime.
2) Get structured and strict on mealtime.
3) Have an argument plan -
a) Establish ground rule that you will listen to the argument, but that once you have made your final decision, the subject will be dropped, and enforce this mercilessly
b) Child presents his side of the the argument
c) Ask, anything else, and continue to listen
d) repeat above until everyone is satisfied that all possible objections are addressed.
e) Ask child to state your side of the argument, and all your possible reasons.
f) Dig for child to come up with any other reasons for your position. Keep prompting and listening. Add your own reasons once child is really exhausted.
g) check and see if child has any other arguments for his side - if not
h) remind child that you will now contemplate these arguments in peace for 20 minutes. The subject must remain dropped during the contemplation time AND after the ruling comes down.
i) Give your ruling
j) Stick with your position (unless it's dangerous) and mostly stick with your agreement that the subject will be dropped. The silent treatment is acceptable in this case, on this particular subject.
I know this sounds like a lot to do, but it takes longer to write than it does to do. feel free to make a print out and put DS in charge of leading you through the steps if you wish - LOL!
By 9, my summer birthday, but unaccelerated kid, announced that he was no longer going to look to adult athority for guidance. He and his friends were going to decide what was right for them. Unfortunatly for him, his friends were also 9 years old! At that point, school was a joke, he was melting down over homework that ended up taking him 90 seconds to do, and we had been through a full year of negotiating with the public school over subject acceleration and 'in class differentiation.'
I switched him to a private school that we thought we couldn't afford. They skipped him into Middle School within a month. He was SO SO far over his head organizationally that he really learned to rely on adult help, his parent's and the teachers. It was hard but very beautiful. He now has a work ethic, and knows that 'the hardest Math in the world, is the Math you haven't learned yet.' He tells me that he was 'just joking' back then when he was 9. ((skeptical look))
He is back in the public school now, with a nice handful of friends, getting good grades and handing in his homework. He now understands that he needs to set higher goals for himself than the teacher's require of the other kids. When he gets grumpy, we joke about the other 'smartie' he met at the private school, a first generation kid, with a more traditional upbringing - we say 'What would C.B. do?' and laugh at our terrible taste in jokes, and then we head in that direction.
So - take a deep breath, pull up a chair, and snuggle in dear. It will be a long and interesting journey, sometimes painful, but we will be right here to hold your hand.
Smiles,
Grinity
