Tomas,
I am so sorry that you have had to experience so much pain and loss in your life, and especially for the parts that you encountered when you were a child and had very little control over your situation.
We cannot do anything about the occurrence of the hurts in our past, but we can make choices, small and large, about how we respond to those hurts moving forward. Without exception, every one of us, at every level of ability, carries the sequelae of these past hurts, but not every one makes the same decisions about their influence in the future.
I understand that your world-view currently feels awash in futility, but given that you value life, and that you wish to find joy and connection (not just reduce pain), I would encourage you to look outside your mind to the local environment in which you live. It is easy to be consumed by philosophy and its transcendant concepts (both uplifting and crushing), but ultimately, we live in a very practical, sensory, three-dimensional world, and all philosophy has meaning only when it becomes practical theology, not only theoretical. You might consider starting by looking for the small, concrete graces in life--beauty in a flower, order in a cloud, connection in a smile--to this point, it seems that your overexcitabilities have been responsive mainly to thoughts and interactions that give you pain, but they can also be focused on experiences and relationships (start small) that draw you into joy.
And you are not alone. You are not alone at the level of your intellect (although it may seem that way), and you are most certainly not alone in your humanity. I also have a measured IQ that is in a very tiny percent of the population, but that is not what determines the relationships of many different kinds that I maintain, including with those who are many standard deviations below me in nominal cognition, and at least one who is many standard deviations above me. My relationships are based on the commonalities in our humanity, and not the differences. I do not expect any one person to be in alignment with me in all ways, or to supply all my relational needs (that would be an imposition that is both unrealistic and unfair). instead, I treasure the unique and selected ways in which each person connects with me and teaches me about myself and the ways in which we can care for each other. I try to value their singular humanness, and extend grace to them for their imperfections, appreciating the ways in which they do the same for me.
It is very hard not to feel understood, but sometimes the first step to being understood is to seek to understand others (acknowledgements to St. Francis of Assisi).
