Hi TJS -
Welcome to the world of Gifted. You are giving me a perfect excuse to write about what I was hoping to write about anyway. I'm at work, and about 10 minutes ago a little girl and her mom completed their visit. Once they left, all the staff said - "Wow - she's only four, she's so smart!"
The girl had been counting to 100, chatting with everyone, and learning like a sponge. Her mom was doing the "gifted denial suffle" saying things like - "she's such a chatter box" and "she loves to show off in front of people."
LOL - we've all been there haven't we? We know that there is something unusual about the way people respond to our kid, so we make comments to try to smooth the way.
I was ready to dive right in.
"When does she start Kindergarden?"
- in the Fall. She wearing me out with questions.
"Is she reading yet?"
- no, praised be.
"Good, that will give her something to do in school. If she reading chapterbooks by the end of Kindergarden, come back and let me know - I've been through it with my son. he was lucky too, and wasn't reading until the end of first grade, but the mind is still moving at that speed and reaching for everything."
- ok. ((face shows Mom realizes that this could easily happen))
"One of the main advices I wish I had gotten when my son was this age, was to praise Effort and Curiosity, not the gap between what she is, and the age-based expectations. The gap is just how she is, Effort and Curiosity are choices that need to be encouraged. Too much attention for 'how you are' gets hard on kids."
- You know I never thought of it that way. Thanks for telling me. If I had know, I would have done that sooner. That make sense.
"You and me both! This kind of thing happens with very little warning. The baby just arrives and you've become "Alice in Wonderland. But I'll be seeing you over the years, just let me know what's on your mind."
Now I'll bet you are wishing someone had had "the talk" when your dd was 4 - but to my shame, I must admit, that my best and most trusted friend told me what was going on when my ds was in first grade, and even though he was suffering greatly and openly by second grade, I didn't believe her, or follow up. Well I did "hint around" to the teachers, who assured me that "underchallenge" was most definitly NOT his problem.
Why did I trust the teachers over my oldest and wisest friend?
Denial.
Why will I continue to beat myself up about it forever?
Perfectionism. (Actually I've come a lonnnnng way on this one.)
So I say, welcome to the club! As you learn more, try to forgive yourself, if only to model for your daughter how to overcome perfectionism.
Now lets turn our attention to the future - What's on your mind so far? Have you though about private testing? Have you though about summer camp? What's your favorite Gifted Book?
Love and More Love,
Trinity
