Thanks to all for the many thoughtful responses. Sorry to be absent so long, but for some reason I thought this thread had petered out yesterday morning and didn't check it later in the day.
There is a wealth of information and ideas in the many postings - too many to respond to individually. On the subject of fear, 'Neato and Austin make good points. We have some evidence to work with, since we worked with these folks a bit in the winter, but it's not conclusive. We have been insufficiently attentive in the past, however, and want to do better now, without overcompensating. I think the point of fears is to own them - even in advocacy - without letting them own you.
DS got through day 2 okay, though bits of violence are seeping through his post-school fantasy play already. Much will depend on whether the school follows through on our request for a meeting next week.
