We are still in the public school system, fitzi, but we are in the same boat so to speak even in 4th grade. I am constantly watching for the return of worrying behavior that occurred prior to a grade skip last year.
I didn't really understand how dramatically the school situation was affecting DS8's behavior until: after the grade acceleration and after reading some of the posts here on depression. All of the frustration and unhappiness from school was starting to show up in his fantasy/play time. His lego creations were exhibiting an abundance of fighting. His creative writing had a great deal of unhappy feelings, mixed with people getting hurt or exhibiting pain. It was hard to know at the time exactly what was normal for a seven year old boy, since they all have lego battles, etc. But he was also spending a great deal of time analyzing the social behavior of the kids at school. Every night he wanted to talk about why kids were calling him names at school, or why they were treating him a particular way. It was one of the major reasons that we were advocating a grade skip. He knew that he was different from the other kids in the class, and that constant friction was just building up.
But what was truly amazing was that after a few weeks in the new grade, most of the agonizing over social interactions disappeared. Then the unhappy feelings in the writing started to go away. And then the lego battles decreased to what I think is an entirely appropriate level for a seven-turning-eight year old boy.
So I think that all kids will, in some way or another, tell their parents if they are unhappy. Our little guy was not able to put it into words that expressed his feelings outright. But the feelings were there and leaked out into other areas. The trick is to spot how your son deals with anger, frustration, or depression. Does he curl up in an emotional ball and retreat? Does he stare out of the window when he is bored or doodle on paperwork? Or does he lash out? The latter may be harder to deal with but easier to spot, sadly enough.
I hope this helps you some. I am also eager to see what other parents observed in their child's behavior. As you know, these kids change so fast, both internally (their own development academically and socially) and externally (how they fit in with the school and their peers). It is hard to discern what is a new developmental change or phase and what is something that you need to react to quickly.
Wishing you and your son the best of luck! I hope this year is a better fit.
