Anxiety is pretty common with ADHD and that's how I frame this--even though it is really difficult, especially when suffering from caretaker fatigue. My DD doesn't have an ADHD diagnosis, but *could* probably. She doesn't need medication so it's a moot point for us right now. She absolutely has high levels of anxiety and perfectionism.
YMMV, but I have the best luck when I try to engage DD in empathic reflection--your behavior makes me feel X and when I feel X, I don't feel like helping you, etc.
She is very well-behaved at school so I figure she takes out all her pent up anxiety on her safe person...me. We need chainmail or something.
she still sneaks into my bed in the middle of the night, I have my doubts.
I have tried the reflection - it doesn't work here, but we have found a contract works very well. We have a new one written up, and once it's signed, we can use it to bring down the whining. And, totally with you on the perfect kid at school situation. DD can hold it together at school very very well. Teachers and parents just don't believe us when we talk about DD's anxiousness. Last night she kept trying to do her scales, and DH and I finally took the instrument away. We think it has a problem, and she kept sobbing and sobbing that she needed TO DO HER SCALES OR SHE WOULD FLUNK!!! I ended up cuddling her to sleep. It just broke my heart. I think there is something about the end of the day going on as well. She is more reasonable during day light hours.
Thanks for listening. Not even our family can relate to what I talk about.
