Thank you for some very wise words, SAHM. Having an exhausting, very high-needs first child, my mantra from the time of second pregnancy was "this one will not be short-changed, this one will not be short-changed" - but of course, she is, all the time. It's my constant battle with myself, and it needs regular reminders like yours of why I must keep at it.
It's easy to get in trouble when the sibling mix goes the other way too. I constantly see friends succumb to denying new, age-appropriate privileges and independence to their older child, because they wish to avoid the battle with the high-needs younger child who can't have it yet.
"But Mommy, it's not FAIR! Sibling X gets to...."
The whole "being fair does not mean treating you the same" thing can be so hard to live up to in real life. It's complicated, it's messy hard work, and there's a lot of short term pain for (hoped for!) long-term gain. You can see why treating everyone exactly the same in the name of equality and fairness is so seductive to schools...
"Principal, it's not FAIR! Kid X gets to..."
