I agree in theory that your daughter could have advocated for herself, but I'll be honest, I've seen teachers over the years who do want kids to be the ones communicating, because it's a lot easier to intimidate a kid. Any teacher who was blithe about giving you the wrong info, immediately jumped to recommending a psychologist, and wasn't willing to provide any differentiation doesn't sound like someone who would be responsive to a child.
That said, one thing that worked well for us was to get our sons their own email accounts fairly early and communicate to the teachers directly. When they were younger, we had them copy us (if the teacher objected, we responded that we asked them to copy us on all communication with adults). Even difficult teachers did seem to respond better when stuff came directly from the kids. I would consider having your dd send a letter or email saying that she felt bad when she was directly asked about school because she does like the teacher (this is where you explain white lies) and knows the teacher is working hard, but some things at school make her unhappy. Then, give specific examples, like, "I know 'See Spot Run' is a good book, but I read it when I was 4. At home now I'm reading 'The Odyssey.' Sometimes at school I wish I could read more challenging books."
Good luck - with this teacher, sounds like you'll need it!
