...it sounds a lot like refusing to help the victims of domestic violence because they aren't strong enough any more to leave.
Not quite. It's that other people are more likely to believe that domestic violence happened when the victim says, "Yes, he hit me. See these bruises?" Around here, at least, the police and others are limited in what they can do until the victim speaks up and asks for help (excepting the obvious, like a witness seeing violence). I've seen it happen, and when the victim asked for help it was offered immediately. When help was sent to the victim before that, she rebuffed it and there was nothing anyone could do.
It's the same in most areas in life, and childhood is a very good time to learn how to stand up for yourself or ask something of an authority figure in a way that helps you get what you want. I tried advocating with my eldest's school about his math placement 3 years ago. I even had test results. They ignored me. When DS went to them and told them his course was too easy, they changed it immediately.
Okay, things don't always work so nicely, but for the most part, you can't
expect to get help unless you ask for it, especially if the help you're asking for is a special accommodation. This is usually the case with gifted kids.
