Irena thank you for all your comments.
Everyone's help makes a huge difference to me. Most of all to my inner feeling of assertiveness. But also many of the specific ideas were helpful. Thank you all!
It has gotten really clear to us that the teacher has discrete categories in how she thinks about issues, and to her things from one category (for example gifted or disabled) do not have any reason to intrude into another category (work ethic). In work ethic she looks solely for causes such as psychological or the child's home situation. I understand to a certain degree, they see lots of students struggle with tasks but have an excellent work ethic. But it seems so obvious to us that a child who faces hardship in more than one area would feel little pride in school, I really don't get how that isn't obvious to others.
On the plus side I think it is turning out the principal is in favor of whatever is the least difficult for the school as a whole, or is personally neutral, I can't tell the difference. Either way it is much better than if they actively shared the viewpoints.
DS had been absent a number of times and was never asked to make up work. But starting this week he has been. Coincidence?
