I second the request for an agenda. Also you email/mail them your agenda.
I used to get blindsided and 'not-a-word-in-edgewise' at iep meetings all of the time. What would happen was I would assume I knew what was changed/not going to be changed/going to be discussed/etc. and when I got there - things I hadn't expected would be changed, added, taken away, etc. They'd be fully prepared to present issues/behaviors/etc that I never anticipated at all, never got to speak with DS about at all, etc. They'd be fully prepared with what they thought was usually the cause (usually they are mistaken)and 'with their solutions.' I'd go home and digest the info, research, discuss with DH and DS, etc. and then email them and/or call them with my concerns and disagreements, etc. and they'd get annoyed/angry and they'd insist on another meeting (weeks away) (which they KNEW was inconvenient for my husband and me but was not at all inconvenient for them b/c they have certain times during school hours set aside for meetings (basically they are there anyway and it's not an inconvenience for them).
Slowly but surely I learned. Now I tell them I want the draft IEP with any additions, changes, take-outs, etc highlighted; any issues, problems behaviors to be discussed needs to be laid out in agenda or something (we do not meet until I get that stuff). And I email the team my agenda. Meetings are much smoother now. And I get to speak intelligently
I still may need to email/call/have another meeting but this cuts down on the blindsiding A LOT. And I feel equal and confident and prepared.
