What you want to teach your child is not to "behave", but to choose her behavior to match her needs....
Believe me, I had so many doubts when I was working on shaping my child at that age. But, it was well worth it to keep her spirit intact and help her shape her own behavior.
Agree. My DS10 is much happier now that he understands that offering the world expected or unexpected behavior has to be weighed carefully. He likes having a choice. I like his understanding the consequences of the choice and his ability to make the choice consciously, rather than because a particular response feels like his only option.
Agree that 5 is too young to have all this down pat if it doesn't come naturally; but 5 is not too young to start laying the groundwork for it and removing the obstacles.
(The expected/unexpected language is from Michelle Garcia Winner's Social Thinking curriculum-- we never did it formally but I found some of it useful in parenting a kid who does unexpected things.)
DeeDee
