Jules -
Can I just chime in one more time to say that while the advice to leave all the responsibility to the child and they'll eventually care may work for some kids, for others it's total bull pucky. My middle child never cared and only did the minimal to ensure passing his classes all the way through high school. I finally gave up taking things away, because that didn't help, either. What I chose what to pick my battles and let go of the rest, because I could not make him care.
The up side? He's now a freshman in college, accepted in the college of Mechanical Engineering, and is carrying a 4.0. I can hardly believe that this kid is the same one who drove me nuts with his lack of motivation.
All I can say is that as a mom, I finally gave up on the level of contention that was hurting the relationship with my son, although it never stopped annoying me that he wouldn't try.
I have no idea if my course of action is the right one, but I do know for a fact that letting a kid carry the responsibility is not a sure thing.
Good luck - and hang in there.
