Hi Jen,
I have found with my DD8 that the only thing that works when she gets all worked up is to let her have time to herself in her room. Now, in our situation, my DD doesn't have daily or many-times-daily meltdowns. But when she does (admittedly only once every several weeks), there is no calming her down. She feels embarrassed by her behavior (usually just crying) but usually says she can't stop. She has done this since she was a baby and I've never been able to figure out a solution other than letting her get it out of her system. If she's not bothering anyone, I'll just let her cry it out where she is. If she is bothering others, we'll ask her to go to her room (which is usually followed by a sobbing "I can't!"). If she won't go to her room on her own power, we've carried her into her room and told her she can come out when she calms down. She virtually always calms down within ten minutes, occasionally longer, and every once in a while she'll fall asleep. All of these resolve the situation, but without her getting any positive feedback that would reinforce the outburst. Because we're gentle with her, she knows we love her. And, I truly believe, as she grows up, she will be better able to control her reactions to her emotions. So, I truly think you're on to something!
