But I don't want child to grow up like how I felt. That I was impossible and that no one could help me. That no one understands. Or, even, asking why am I like this? Why are other people not like this?
Hi Jesse and Welcome!
That thought certianly strikes a cord with me, and I encourage you in all your efforts to do what wasn't done for you. I too, grew up like that, and set out to 'do a better job' in that department for my son.
Weirdly, what I'm seeing at age 13, is that in a way it might be even worse to have understanding, kind parents when these feelings hit, because at least you and I could blame and vow. My DS13 is just plain miserable at times, and is forced to pretend that DH and I are 'mean' or that he is 'just plain cranky.' Emotionally he just isn't ready to face that he can be 'just plain cranky.' So I really feel for him, trying to make up or magnify faults in DH and I that I'm sure he knows just aren't there.
You know, I think the truth is that for some kids, managing to OEs is just plain difficult. I've heard that 'how are kids going to learn to make good choices if they don't make bad choices?'
I think that going to one's room, so that the can melt down without disturbing anyone else is something to be proud of. I'm grateful when DH does this - I don't want to 'process' every bad mood with him!
I think that whatever we do, if we can confidently send the message that 'things are basically ok' then we are winning. All the teaching and anticipating works for some families but for others it just sends a message of 'what you are is so terrible that I have to 'manage' you all the time, and stay on alert.' You have to trust your mom-gut to figure out how things are in your house. I'm a big fan of 'quietly keeping the melting down child company' IF the parent can sincerely carry it off.
I'm mostly glad that we have a place where we can talk about these things - personally, I can't imagine bringing these up at the family gatherings!
Love and More Love,
Grinity
