You're right about the busywork. 1st grade was a tough transition for us. In addition to the longer day, it's also the big "learn to read" year, so I get the impression that it's just generally going to be extra hard for a gifted kid who's way ahead. That's actually why we didn't try to switch teachers before going to home schooling.
I don't use cyberschool and if I know people who are, I don't know that they are, if that makes any sense...
It seems like cyberschool could be a good idea, but I don't know how it works in practice. The only thing I've heard--and this is from someone not doing it--is that at least one program requires you to log in every weekday morning and report test scores by a certain time and such deadlines. This didn't appeal to me. One of the benefits to home schooling for our family is that we can go to the zoo or explore outside or travel when the mood strikes us. But that's just my impression, and the info may not even be accurate. Just something to ask about if you're considering that route...
It sounds like your concerns about home schooling are valid ones. If you want to give your DS more opportunities to spread his wings without you, then home schooling probably isn't going to give him that easily. It's possible to get a kid anything he needs while home schooling, I think, but some experiences are easier to come by than others. Time away from you is probably not an easy experience for him to come by while home schooling.
(However, I find myself wondering if being without you but not spreading his wings is what's happening now...and I'm not sure that's any better.)
Also consider how few truly social situations occur in school. Being in a building full of people does not necessarily mean that a child is getting lots of social interactions, let alone lots of *positive* social interactions. A lot of their time is spent sitting down and shutting up or learning to stand in line or sit in a circle--but that's being socialized, not being social. Different thing altogether, and probably NOT something your child needs to learn, from the sound of him.
As for being truly social, there really isn't a lot of time in a school day for that. About all the social time my son got in 1st grade was lunch--and he sat at the "no nuts" table by himself or with one child the teacher sent over!--and recess, if the frustration didn't lead him to act out and find him having to sit on the wall throughout recess as punishment. *sigh*
Does your DS have friends at school with whom he plays now? Have you observed him during recess? I found that even when he wasn't losing his recess time as punishment, my introverted but usually social child wasn't being very social at recess, I think because he was so unhappy the rest of the day. Once we had him out of public school, he became much more willing to seek out friendships. He feels less different now, believe it or not. He has more friendships and more time to develop them now. Remember that true peers and age-level peers are often not the same thing for HG+ kids. School can be a very lonely place for these kids.
And about the allergies: I was never very trusting of the school. Birthday treats and candy bribes are common and not necessarily free of allergens. And teachers don't always think to check labels. I hovered more at school than I do anywhere else!
One other thought about the allergies, I'd recommend that if you haven't already, you should teach your son not to accept anything--not even candy or cookies--without asking if it contains the allergens. My allergic son asks everyone--even me!--"Does this have nuts in it?" Once he caught me almost giving him something that DID have nuts in it, so it's been a very good strategy for us! We've told him that it's his life, and he has to be responsible about it because we won't always be with him and adults can't always be counted on to remember that he has an allergy. He's been asking the nut question of adults, along with the important explanation "Nuts make me sick" or "I'm allergic," since he was 2.5 or 3, so 4 is not too young to start!
Naturally, I'm not suggesting putting his life completely into his small hands. Of course you must still warn the adults in his life and watch carefully. But I really believe that the earlier these kids get in the habit of thinking of themselves as solely responsible for their own allergies, the better off they'll be. I think it might also help to prevent rebellion later on, where the kid eats something off-limits because mom always says no. If he's been policing himself instead of my policing him, I think that's less likely to happen. And we praise him HEAVILY when he asks about nuts and reward with an even better treat if he has to forego something. It's worked for us. I worry less, and he's got a greater feeling of control over his own life. Good things!
Dunno if any of this helps...
