Could there be things going on in the school environment that is impacting her in ways that even she is not aware of?
I played detective today while we were driving. I finally pulled out of her that she hates the classes where the kids don't behave. She gets very stressed by the kids who act out, talk back to the teacher, etc. Now I know why she always likes the stricter teachers - they keep a lid on the class.
If she is not allergic to animals, have you looked into things like horse back riding/stable work or working with dogs?
She works at the SPCA and does some dog training. She gets very upset when our dog doesn't behave in dog class. She wants the dog to be perfect! I watched her tonight during class - her body language indicated that the dog's mistakes just pained her (she was clenching her fists, twisting her body). Perfectionism at play via the dog!!!!
Can it be that there are just too many people around her daily that she appears to lack empathy because it is too overwhelming with too many people pulling her (even if it is just internal struggles) or too many changes on social/physical levels? You can not help others if you are too overwhelmed yourself.
I wonder about that. I will say that she has never shown sympathy towards anyone in the family, never mind empathy. I think I could break my leg, and DD would just worry if I would be able to drive her to school. My other DD is sweet about helping or concerned if I had a headache. This just bothers me. DH and I talked with one of the psychs. about spectrum possibilities, but that psych. didn't feel that was it.
