So now I'm at the point of what if he refuses to go? I imagine there's just no way around the constant back and forth of you should/you have to/ why? etc.
tillamook, have you tried just making the decision that he'll go, telling him it's your decision as his parent, and he has to do it? If you feel counseling is something he needs, I'd make the decision for him. We've been in stalemates similar to this with our kids between the ages of 12-15ish, when they are mature enough to know themselves well and have strong opinions, particularly with respect to things that dealt with dealing with their 2nd e's. When we get in a situation like this, where we just aren't going to be able to convince our child through a logical basis that they need to do what we feel they need to do, we tell them it's our decision and they don't have a choice in it. You don't have to make it into "go to counseling forever" - you could choose to require that he go to see a counselor for x # of times or weeks or months or whatever, then let him know the option is open to continuing or dropping it, based on what he wants to do then.
Sometimes, my kids who fought so hard against doing whatever it was we made them do, felt relieved just a bit when we made the decision for them. More often than not (but definitely not always), they were glad that we made them go through with what we'd decided they needed to do. The key was, we weren't making a huge number of demands and decisions for them, they were given a lot of choice in things that were ok for them to choose, and we spend a lot of time listening to their opinions, and we value their opinions. We even valued their opinions (and let them know that) when we made a decision for them that they didn't want to agree to. We saved those types of decisions for the things we *really* needed them to do - and counseling in this situation would be one of those things.
Best wishes,
polarbear
