Oh my EmmaL! You are facing a tougher situation than I seem to be - time will tell.

I completely understand all your fears.

It is a shame that they are harassing you but maybe good to know that they're there to help protect children in general.

What did the pediatrician offer?

Is it possible for your DS11 to do Distributed Learning? That might solve the problem. There seem to be some out there that allow the child's needs to lead the program rather than the curriculum. Do you have that option in your area?