I don't think she is affected as in disabled by this, because she is still straight As or close in a very competitive school district, plays piano, does math two grades ahead etc. That was another point, made by the psychologist. But it doesn't mean that she isn't affected at all, she is, but relative to what she is capable of doing cognitively, which clearly indicates a weakness that needs to be addressed, but may not qualify as a human disorder.
I would try not to get caught up in personal issues with terms - words like "disorder" can sound negative, but they don't need to have that negative connotation. Having a diagnosis can be really important for two reasons: first and foremost, understanding why certain behaviors are challenging, and second, because having a professional diagnosis can help with getting accommodations etc in place at school. Note - I'm not saying - get a diagnosis just to help get accommodations at school, but that, in general, if you *have * an official diagnosis to back up a request for accommodations it can really help.
The idea with the 15-min alarms sound very appealing, but the school doesn't allow any electronics during the school hours, specially phones. A watch, maybe, but I can't afford an apple watch and I'm not sure if there are any other products similar to it that you can program with 20 alarms. Any ideas?
I would expect this is an accommodation you could request in a 504 plan - although my ds doesn't use this specific accommodation in school, he is allowed the use of assistive technology through his 504 plan. Electronics and phones in general aren't allowed at school due to the potential distraction, but they are commonly used as AT devices.
Another strategy with accommodations is to remember that even if you can't use an accommodation at school at the present time, you can use it at home - and this will give your child practice in the skill, as well as practice in using the accommodation. We did this with our ds and it helped tremendously both with getting work done and with developing skill at whatever specific task it was he needed to learn how to cope with, even if he didn't have access to that accommodation at school yet. I'd keep in mind - by the time your dd is in high school, if it's anything like our district, phones will no longer be taboo in class and the phone most likely won't be an issue at all.
A complication with teaching organization is that whatever my daughter has is probably generic - because I have this issue too.
Whether or not it's "generic" difficulties with organization are not limited to people with ADHD. It's something that is both a common trait among all kids entering middle school (hence the emphasis on organizational skills in many classrooms), and it's something that can be problematic in people with other types of diagnoses. For instance, my ds is diagnosed with DCD, does not meet the criteria in really any way at all for ADHD, but he has had some tremendous organizational challenges tied to his DCD. This is going to sound like I'm talking out of two sides of my mouth
... but I am a firm believer in two things: first, understanding what's behind the behavior (is it ADHD or is it something else?) *and* at the same time, understanding that there are often shared methods (across diagnoses) that can be used to cope with, remediate, and accommodate challenges. For instance, as I mentioned, my ds doesn't have ADHD - but we've used techniques for organizational strategies that work well for students with ADHD have also worked well for helping him learn how to cope with his own set of organizational challenges. The key is first understanding, if possible, what's behind the challenges so that you don't spend large amounts of time and effort on something that isn't ever going to help because you haven't tackled the underlying issue (for instance, assuming a child who's having difficulty learning how to read needs a specific type of remedial program because it's used in a widespread way with children who have difficulty learning to read... when really the child has a vision issue that hasn't been diagnosed yet).
Yet another reason why I think this isn't a true ADHD, because I know precisely what she has.
It's not uncommon for challenges such as this to seem to have a genetic component. One thing that's potentially an upside to this is that it's something you can share with your dd - you have an understanding of what it's like to live with her set of challenges. On the other hand, it's often so easy to see ourselves (parents) reflected in our children that we miss seeing something different. Prior to our ds' 2e diagnosis, my dh and I both tended to look at behaviors which were indicating challenges through the lens of our own lives - I was a perfectionistic in school (and life) for a long time, so when my ds wasn't completing assignments in a timely manner, I made the automatic leap to perfectionism - I was, he's mine, therefore he's got my whatever, case solved. When really we were missing something that neither of us (parents) had as a challenge.
So, with a great regret, I have to say that I may not be able to help her much with this because I'm not consistent enough myself.
On the other hand, you could both work on tactics for dealing with it together - which in the long run not only gives your dd strategies for the nitty-gritty specifics, but also has the most likely *more* important upside of giving her the reassurance of seeing that a) she's not alone, other people have the same challenges, b) she *can* make progress at overcoming the challenge, and c) you've got her back, you're going to be there to support her. Put those three things together and she's gained something far more lasting and meaningful than simply how to focus on and complete a task.
how to enforce so it becomes a habit?
I don't know enough about your dd's specific challenges to know if this will work, but for our ds a large part of the key was repeat, repeat, repeat... and then repeat again. For instance, he seemed to be hopelessly disorganized about getting what he needed from school to home and back (books needed for homework were often forgotten at school, homework assignment list not recorded so he didn't know what he was supposed to be doing for homework once he was home, completed homework going into his backpack but getting completely lost between the backpack and school, things like that). What we did was for me to physically go inside the school each day at the end of the day to pick him up, we checked the homework list on his classroom board together, went through his locker to make sure he had everything he needed (verbally went through the entire list of his classes together - what did they do in class today, what was the homework, what did he need to bring home to complete it). I made sure that his locker was left neat and in order. I did this with him every single day for almost the full first year of middle school - and as you might guess, he hated it! But he also realized after a relatively short period of time that it was helpful. I promised him that once he was able to show me that he was doing the organizing etc instead of relying on me to lead, I'd step back and only come in once per week, and knowing that gave him the motivation and self-confidence that I believed it would work. It took a long time - most of the year, but he got to that point. We continued with once a week checks through the first part of the next year, and he eventually got to the point that he no longer needed my help.
That may seem like overkill, but the idea is - kids who need extra help in learning ef skills need extra help. They aren't going to "get it" as automatically or with as little practice as nt kids. Look at what your own dd's specific task challenges are, and think of what you can do to support her that is repeating that task in a way that eventually it will sink in. The key is - don't give up because it takes more time than it would take a nt kid to "get it".
Best wishes,
polarbear
