I'm in no position to advise anyone, since am even earlier in the whole process than you are, but wanted to offer support and a slew of random thoughts, in no particular order:
We just got a new pediatrician *today* because I'm aiming for some sort of coordination of treatment. Up until now, I've been a relatively low utilizer of resources (hardly even take kids to doctor!) bc they simply didn't seem warranted (epic fail). He is going to manage ADHD med and said he will refer for OT eval if ASD is diagnosed. I asked him about Speech/Language eval and he said unless there is a hearing loss, going through medical channel is probably not useful. I don't know if private OT works on handwriting issues. My son has two distinct sets of handwriting: his "real" writing--big, messy and his "medicated" writing--tiny, perfect, precise...sloooooooow. He loves to draw tiny things and I suspect he draws his good handwriting. His school OT observation noted he had good handwriting skills, no fine-motor deficit (except for "shaking hands." ugh) My point to this long-winded ramble is that maybe you can get private services if the school won't budge, via MD referral.
Another thought: what is the end game? Mine is to understand better and keep son in current placement (I think) because I don't see him faring any better an a different school--and he can be removed from this program if grades aren't good.
My friend with the two (very very very) 2E sons (both PG and LD, but different diagnoses completely) told me she actually *prefers* 504 because it provides accommodations, while IEP doesn't. She, however, has a lot more personal resources at her disposal than I and can afford to pay for whatever services her children need.
If I could craft the perfect 504 for my son, it would be pretty straightforward, typical ADHD/EF type stuff: preferential seating, cueing, communication with teachers, extra time to turn in assignments, use of technology to aid in organization...most of which is already in 504.
I'd also add a few things like: don't be a jerk to my child, remember he isn't purposefully annoying you, don't apply academic consequences to behavioral issues, don't yell at him, don't be sarcastic...but I'm pretty sure they won't allow these (but they should, because evidently these aren't obvious).
I'm looking forward to seeing what you request via 504. I get the feeling our districts approach these things similarly. The bottom line, I was told, is that any services only have to get DS to baseline (functional) and he's already there. Supposedly. I am glad I have a boatload of nasty emails this year so I can prove his behaviors are having negative impact on education. Do you have anything like that?
