Hi there !
I wanted to write quite a long post about my DS10. But, as I got no much time and the situation is getting once again kind of difficult at home. I decide to write something not too long ....
Let's start by the positive points. We started homeschooling DS and his sister (aged 7.5 now) in september 2013. He was then diagnosed with dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, dyspraxia, ADD, .... Although high IQ, many sholar stuffs were just unreachable for him. My wife quited her job and homeschooled them. We stopped many things such as OT, speach therapy, partly due to money and DS being exhausted. Now, DS is able to read quite easily, still under his age-level but well beyond what we expected when starting homeschool. In school, he wrote like 3 words a day, now, he is able to write several lines, able to write small dictations, small essays (10 to 20 lines) in an understandable handwriting. He can also add 4-digits numbers without putting them in columns in 15 seconds. Her former speach therapist who did diagnosed dyscalculia, said he is no more and she was confounded by where he is now at reading.... I won't comment here about what I think about the school system down here.
So what ? The problem is that the behavior of DS is still the same as it was, or even worse. That is to say that we have to struggle for everything (except homeschool). Let's have an example. Yesterday evening, he got back from an exhibition downtown with his sister and mother. He asked for TV, and we refused as he took too long a time to get washed (for everything we ask, he skips and starts playing or watching books). Then our lovely kid turned into a kind of devil, screaming at us, throwing things around the place, saying that he wants to kill himself. Nothing can stop him except raw force (which I use just in extreme cases... I mean catching him, definitely not beating him). Then, we want him to come and have his meal. He did not. I started by trying to force him and I screamed. His mother told me to stop and to let him and she tried making him understand by words and waiting. When he came he just take a bowl of dried grape (raisin) and throwed them on the table. I screamed, he left from the kitchen. We started eating without him, we ate the starter. As he was still not here, his mother took his plate off. When he decided to come back he discovered that instead of the grated carrots (the starter), he now had smashed patatoes ... So he screamed again .... And so on.
Well that's what happened yesterday, but yesterday was just as the other days. Several tantrums a day. Let's say up to 5, generally 2 or 3. They can last about 30 min to one hour. It is then just like hell at home. They can stop just in a blink of an eye, and then he becomes a normal kid, just as if nothing happened. His little sister is more and more hurt by how her brother is. I mean she is very very close to her brother, but she does not understand him then. It is a pitty to see the expression of despair on her face when the house is upside down due to the behavioral troubles of DS. This morning, as another tantrum occured (this time because he was looking at a book on the sealife instead of having his breakfast), she said to DW that she's not sure to be able to go on with homeschooling ...
Well, there are actually less tantrums than there was during the school years. At least, there are no more those terrible homework tantrums which drove us crazy and exhausted. During the homeschool period, he is under medication and things are not too bad ... Well, sometimes, he can get hard but not too much.
We clearly do not know how to behave regarding those tantrums. Her mother thinks kind of the "psychiatrist" way: he wants to be the king and he enters tantrum to get to the point he wants to be. So, she tells that we should not pay any attention to what is doing and make him pay (with true money) if he breaks something. I do not share this view. From my point of view, it is purely neurophysiological. He just cannot help himself doing those things, just like an asperger would. But in anycase, we do not know how to behave to face those tantrums. For instance, following the yesterday event, DW wants to punish him for what he did by not allowing him to watch TV today (My kids are watching selected DVDs about 30min to 1 hour/day) . I told her that it is pointless because, those tantrums are not under his control. So, the result will just be another tantrum without any chance for him to act positively to get to what he wants. But, then she asked what to do ...Well, I do not know. I have no ideas .... I personnaly think that being more strict, severe with him is the only way. But, with him, this rapidly turns into a "fight". Compared to his sister, when we are not happy with her we can reprimand her, maybe several times, but at one point, she just stops. With DS, this never happens. Moreover, as he is getting stronger and stronger, we are afraid that at one point, we won't be able to manage those situations. We are also afraid that he can hurt himself (he can punch his own face) or his sister or ourself. We are in despair ... DW was crying last night not only for what happened, but mainly for being afraid of the future. She quited her job and carrier, our financial situation is not safe anymore (as DW stopped working), for what ? I told her that with DS it is no use to think about tomorrow, you just can seize the day and hope...
