Well once again, a lot of very interesting thoughts on that forum ...
First, quite a long time ago, grinity on that forum told me about "the transforming the difficult child workbook" which I bought and tried to follow but at that time we were so much in despair ragarding his school abilities that I focused in trying to solve them ... This is now partly done.
So, I grabbed back this book from its shelve and start reading it again. It more or less decribe what many of you propose me. First, reading that book makes me feel like a "bad" father but I stepped over this. I will try to follow the advice from this book and see. But, I have to talk about that with DW and translate (she can read English but unfortunately not as easily as myself).
Nevertheless, I will "try", because I am not sure to be able to be as calm as required. He is so provocative. Let's have two fresh examples :
1)Yesterday morning, he woke up at 7.30 am, made a lot of noise. I told him to stop because everybody was sleeping. He did for a few minutes, then got to his sister's keyboard and start playing loud. I told to stop. He answered me "no, I want to play, you cannot stop me". Afterwards, he did not want to come and have his breakfast. I asked him to come several time especially as DW was insiting. When I got to him quite upset, and told hime to come once again he asked me "Yes, dad who I hate from the deepest of my heart". I said nothing and go away. I mean it is a hard context to be calm and positive...
2) This morning (sunday), he started yelling and crying at 7.30 am, because he forgot to fill up the battery of his camera and cannot find the cables. I told him that he will not have them unless asking me gently. He did but 10 min later. This morning DW, DD and DS had to go to a scientific exhibition. 10 min before going, he still was nor dressed nor had eat his breafast in spite of our periodic reminders (which were actually more and more "nervous"). Among things he told was "I do not care about that exhibition" (which I know it is not true)and actually did act as if he do not care. He was more concerned by his camera not being completely charged. We finally told him that DW and DD will go without him, if he did not move ... He still told he do not care ! Then he finally got dressed I decided complimenting him, but DW was so upset with him that she went on with putting pressure on him. He reacted by saying that he got dressed for nothing but he finally did what was necessary to go. But, why did he turn us that nuts, why is he so negative ? It is an enigma to me.
By the way, I told DW to be also positive with him to encourage him. She refused ... I do not blame her. It so hard. Sometimes (like this morning) I just want to quit all this.
Cammon you are right: the more we are upset, the more he is defiant doing exactly the things to get the more nuts as possible. Often, he said that he will not do anything for a yelling dumb (I guess he talks about myself then :))
I will look at Ross Greene and the enpoweringparents website.
thanx
