Have you asked about reduced tuition? I suspect you're caught in the dreaded make-too-much-$ to qualify but it's something to consider. The private schools I've been involved with each had students attending at reduced tuition rates. I also wonder what the sped attorneys you know have to say about the probability of success in seeking an OOD placement - have you asked them what they thought? (No need to answer here, just thought it was worth discussing with them if you haven't already).
Yes, I fall in the "can't afford it but make to much to qualify for any substantial aid" category. The first special-ed attorney that I consulted last year advised me to send my kid to the other school asap (last year) and then sue for reimbursement for OOD. But I can't really afford all that and it could of course be denied. I actually haven't chatted with my current attorney yet b/c, well, she charges me every time I talk to her
Also, things haven't been as bad this year as last. My current attorney hasn't even written them a letter yet, she has only helped me with mine and my communications with the school. She will though if more violations happen. So, obviously I guess OOD is premature ... But is it? Are these years not cumulative. This year isn't so bad - with only about three violations so far, but from my perspective it feels like it is never-ending b/c last year was horrible and even the year before (but we only had a 504 back then). Is all of this cumulative or is each year a new start with it ending just when the violations get bad enough and then we start the next year with fresh new prejudices from new teachers? I guess that is a question for my attorney.
I seriously now know why people with children with disabilities put listening devices on their children. It feels like that is the only way to prove that what is happening to your child is indeed really happening. Don't think I haven't dreamed of doing it.
