Well, at least I wouldn't assume that it's related. At least you know that some non-AS kids do this, too.
It is hard to tease it all apart, isn't it?
Yes, it really is. He actually does very well here at home. I think we've kind of custom made his academic setting for him. He's not perfect, but his behavior problems really only crop up when I take him to group activities. In those settings, he has trouble. It's extremely stressful for me. So much so, that I just avoid it. Let's see if I can make a few points to describe what I mean.
1. He was thrown out of a science camp when he was 5. He was "mocking" the teacher (imitating her unusual accent). She thought he was being rude. I knew that he just likes to repeat things he finds auditorily interesting. He was also under the table and didn't want to "join in." I just took him out of the class, it wasn't a good fit anyway. Similarly he likes to repeat the way his piano teacher says, "bag." She's from Minnesota so she says it differently from we Texans.
2. At his museum homeschool class, his teacher approached me and said that he annoyed the other children. She says that he seems to want to be friendly, but doesn't seem to know how. I did my best to be responsive. I contacted our DISD family consultant. Of course, I talked to him about it.
3. He was in a Spanish Immersion preschool a couple days a week when he was 3. I stood behind the door and watched one day. He never joined the circle, he hung back and didn't join in group activities. The teacher had to pick him up and take him to the bathroom while the other children walked in a line there together. He never once used the bathroom while he was there. I had to start offering him rewards to get him to go, and even then he waited until the last possible moment before I came to get him and then he would go, which defeated the purpose. He was holding it for 6 hours.
4. Even as a toddler, he resisted joining the group at Gymboree.
Since you're homeschooling, I assume your son is sufficiently challenged, right? I was just thinking that the inappropriate anger could be a result of being underchallenged and frustrated...
Actually, the anger usually results in frustration because: he doesn't want to try, he thinks he isn't good at something, something is harder than he expected, someone is doing something better than he is doing it. That last on is one situation where I can clearly see a lack of empathy (and perhaps Aspie). He does not enjoy playing a game for the companionship or company. He seems to approach competitions as if the only value they could possibly have for him is winning. This is true even if we repeat the game several times and he wins some and doesn't win others. If he loses, or even comes close to losing he quits, except that I won't let him. I remind him that everyone wants to win. I point out to him that each of us won once, but he's just furious anyway. I haven't abandoned this lesson, but it's proving to be a very hard slow lesson. Lately I've been pointing out when other kids show empathy and concern. I've been spelling out how they probably feel. He seems to understand their feelings when I describe them this way. I mentioned the Harry Potter contest in my previous post. That's a good example of his ability to show empathy in certain circumstances, and how in contrasts with his inability to perceive other people's feelings in other situations. Like the yesterday when his brother was hurt. I said to him (not angrily, just pointing it out), "It's not funny, he is hurt. He is crying because it really hurt his eye." Then my son was more understanding, but this situation really seems to fit the Aspie thing because I had to tell him, "He's hurt." It's like, it wasn't enough to just see him crying.
Another example, and this is in contrast to his brother. His brother will come to the kitchen and ask for a cookie. Then he will ask if he can take one to his brother too. In contrast, my older son, Kenneth, will come to the kitchen for a cookie, and it will never occur to him to take a cookie to Reid. He will happily do it if I ask him to, he just doesn't think about it on his own.
I don't know, I feel like I could write and write and write. He's very loving, and affectionate. He likes to be hugged and picked up and he can be very cuddly. So, it's just so hard. His IQ is so high, that I've always known he wouldn't be "normal." So, it's tricky for me to know what's PG "normal." and what's not. Going to the DITD gatherings has helped me somewhat, because he is different, even there. He behaves "oddly" even there. He fits in better, but he's not "just like" the other kids, even in that exclusively PG setting.
