I really appreciate everyone's thoughtful answers to this quandary.
It's really helping me to see outside of my own box. Polarbear and I both probably are fairly cynical, but when even friends and family tend to think of you as histrionic pains in the backside, and make no secret about sneering at you or excluding you... you don't need too many instances of getting applications "lost" or "waitlisted" before you figure out what is actually going on.
My favorite is the bait-and-switch. "Oh, well, we don't have that opening anymore" (the one that we told you not to worry about when we offered you a slot BEFORE we found out about your little problems...)
So yes, I'm probably highly sensitized to this kind of discriminatory conduct at this point. It's all about "don't go away mad-- but DO go away..."
The thing is, I was really hoping that DD could apply to this program purely on merit, without the taint that the PP mentions, because (having been hired because of my gender, or at least potentially so) it REALLY sucks to be that person who wasn't good enough without being the "token" (protected group member).
So emotionally, I'm kind of mad over THAT aspect of it, too.
