I know--I've thrown around every diagnosis in the book for DD. Humor me.
I do have a call in to the local university for a full psych work-up. It's going to be a while before she's seen, though.
We have seen a major increase in "symptoms" over about the last 5 months. I would almost say there is a slight possibility that something biological or hormonal may be going on, although what we are seeing is still "her," but ramped up, and the incidents are much more frequent, like almost daily. After some very bad days where I went to bed feeling really terrible about myself, DH and I have taken a good hard look at ourselves to see how we may be contributing. We have given up yelling almost entirely (I would say entirely, during episodes--an occasional "Hey, don't throw food at the ceiling!" still happens). We have stopped sending her to her room and giving consequences during episodes. We have stopped lecturing during episodes. We reflect back her feelings, offer love and physical affection, and just sit with her during them, basically. It feels like the right thing to do, although the behavior continues. Later, after she is calm, we discuss the behavior a bit. She is almost always very contrite and cries and apologizes sincerely once she's calm.
By episode, I mean something like this...basically, she gets frustrated or angry about something, becomes cognitively "stuck," either starts crying (this has become more rare) or becomes screamingly angry or freezingly cold and remote (this is new). She says things like: I never want to see you again, I don't want to live in this family, I wish you would all go away, I don't care about any of you, I never want to talk to any of you ever again, you're all against me, no one is on my side, no one believes anything I say. She thinks we always believe her brother and that we think he is perfect (he does tend to be much milder and more even-tempered than she, but he has his moments, like all kids; no kids is ever described as perfect in our house). She will try to get up in your face and scream as loud as she can. This can be over something like "Please help your brother clean up the living room now."
She has threatened self-harm a couple of times when very upset. When she is calm, she says that she does not mean it and says it to get a reaction. Obviously, this is very upsetting to us. Also, in recent weeks there have been threatening movements towards me and DH, though she has not hit us yet. This is also new; she has not hit us or anyone since she was three year old (she does not hit her brother and he does not hit her). She has started throwing things.
In calmer moments, we have talked to her and asked her if something is bothering her. She talks about her brother a lot--says he says mean things to her. He is 4, and not much on saying mean things, outside of very typical kid stuff, but we've spoken to him about it, in her hearing. I suspect she feels some jealousy towards him because people do tend to dote on him (not us--we're pretty careful--but other people, esp. family). He's also really blossoming intellectually, and may be sort of unintentionally challenging her role as "the smart one." I don't see any behavior from him that is out of the ordinary for a kid brother--really, he worships her most of the time--but it's possible that I miss stuff, I guess?
There are also a couple of kids at school she has some trouble with. It doesn't seem to be huge. I have asked her if she wants me to talk to the teacher about it, and she doesn't. She has a posse of girlfriends at school, and a best friend, and seems to be pretty popular--lots of bday party invites. Her behavior at school is absolutely fine--like, beyond fine. Great. All As, student of the week all the time, etc. School (she is at a gifted magnet) is too easy, and she is aware of that and somewhat bothered by it, but there isn't much I can do at this point in the year. She tested as MG/HG, by the way, but I think she is HG/EG. I don't think we have ever seen her perform at her true potential, but I don't know how much of this is a school thing.
Anyway. Does childhood depression manifest as anger like this? Sound familiar to anyone? I feel pretty despairing about her.
Family history of depression, anxiety, Asperger's, and giftedness on both sides. I'm not sure we should have bred sometimes.
I know I have posted about here here like three other times and I feel a bit silly. I don't talk about her much elsewhere (I do have an in-person friend who "gets" DD) so this is my outlet.
