In the grand scheme of things I now fail to see the importance of looking people in the eye. I believe it is important to adhere to most of society's norms, but a lot of them are not worth making anyone miserable over.
I think it depends on what other skills are present/missing, and what your short and long term goals are. And whether you are talking about short or long term misery.
A lot of the teaching we have done with DS has made him uncomfortable at first. Autism/Asperger's boxes a person in, makes them rigid and unwilling to try new things or things that are difficult. Our position in raising our child has been that we are going to get him out of his box to the fullest extent that we can. And yes, I am as appalled as anyone at parts of the Tiger Mother thread, but there are times when it is worth some short term discomfort for long term gain.
DS has learned over some years to make reasonable eye contact; to go into the woods (which terrified him previously); to apologize when he's offended someone; and countless other things he used to hate to do. One can learn these skills. We have found them worth learning because one of our goals for him is that he be employed and independent someday, which will undoubtedly mean an interview where he makes eye contact (and many other skills, too).
If you are a person for whom the process of learning this skill makes you miserable over years, not days or weeks, then you might decide it's not worth it at this point in your learning, or else change your approach to learning it.
The strategy of teaching matters; we won't torture our kid, but we will firmly insist that he practice things that are hard, for a little while at a time, and reward his efforts, until they are easier and eventually mastered.
DeeDee
