Sometimes a school experience in which one is the only person not having to work while everyone else does have to work is enough to plant the seeds of perfectionism. It could also be the case that teachers are praising him there, which would only make matters worse.
The Preschool does have an advertised policy of "praising effort, without gender bias". Your guess is as good as mine as to whether this policy is adhered to by all teachers, parents etc in the class environment. Regarding working v. cruising, I have started wondering if the repetition of these "easy" tasks has reignited the perfectionism. Perhaps naively, we were excited that they'd finally started some reading and writing activities. We thought it'd give him an opportunity to be less self-conscious as he'd see what other children can/can't do. If I'm honest though, he's never cared much for kids his age so the latter was probably just wishful thinking on my part!
That card sounds so lovely I'm sure it must have broken your heart. What did you say to him, if anything?
Seeing it was such a thoughtful idea, I'd actually sat down beside him to make a card too. He'd been happily giving me tips as he worked on his, until the meltdown. While he tore his beautiful artwork up and stormed off, I just kept coloring. I gave him a couple of minutes on his own to calm down, then casually asked if he was ready to put his card in the envelope. Naturally, he said that the card was ruined and Grampa wouldn't want it but I started putting the crumpled little shreds in the envelope anyway. When Kai asked why, I said Grampa would be so thrilled that we'd tried hard to make something for him, he'd just think it was a tricky puzzle. Kai, realizing then that his work was being posted anyway, asked if I could wait a little longer for him to re-draw the Autobot to help Grampa with his "puzzle." Voila, happy child again.
I'm sure there's better techniques out there, but this approach of 'different, not wrong' actually helped Kai over his refusal to draw. We now have 3 or 4 folders full of characters he's drawn - if the outcome is different to that which he anticipated, it gets filed (not shredded) as a new design
He went into kindergarten not knowing how to write or spell, but reading at very high levels.
This is the bit that I'm finding trickiest. Your DS was obviously able to read. I'm not sure if Kai can or whether he's just memorized words he needs to get by, and without sitting down and quizzing him, how will I know? He's far more comfortable on the computer than with pen and paper but again, is this something I should encourage given that he does seem to want to write?
I guess what I'm wondering is, would there be any benefit in setting aside time each day for a structured practice session for the reading and writing? Given his attitude though, I'd most likely have a battle on my hands. ((waving to you, Twinkle Toes!))
On a happy note - Kai told me that earlier in the week, he lost his running race at Preschool. He said that not only had he lost, he actually came last overall because he fell. When I asked how he felt about that, he smiled and said "I just thought about that day you fell in the puddle at the park and had to walk home covered in mud. Sometimes things just don't go our way, hey?" Wise words
