Sometimes a school experience in which one is the only person not having to work while everyone else does have to work is enough to plant the seeds of perfectionism. It could also be the case that teachers are praising him there, which would only make matters worse.
I know you said that you've been modeling a better attitude, but perhaps a direct talk with him might really help. I've talked to DD about why some things are easier for her than for other people, and some things are easier for other people than for her, and why I'm always happy when things aren't easy for me ("Yay, a
challenge!!!"), and I think she really got it. You could also talk to him about instructions and how we don't have to follow them if we don't want to. (Once I told DD that, she pretty much never attempted to follow instructions again.
)
That card sounds so lovely I'm sure it must have broken your heart. What did you say to him, if anything?
