He's not happy at Preschool and I'm lacking the confidence to ask for their assistance because I don't know what to ask for.
Good for you Uppies! It is really hard to ask for assistance when you don't know what to ask for - AND - you doubt that they will have any more insight than you do!
Some of the folks on this list have found that they have to ask to have their child spend some of the time with an older age group. You did some wondeful 'facing reality' when you wrote that your son doesn't see his agemates as role models - go you!
I'm feeling attacked by some close people for allowing him to do things possibly beyond his capabilities as this equates to "setting him up to fail" and the meltdowns are by default, my own doing.
This is such a hard thing, and yet, with a child who is 'unusually gifted' this is so often exactly what happens. Sometimes even by the spouce who spends less time doing hands on interacting - and that just hurts!
It did occur to me that if your child is melting down predictably after computer interactions that are aimed for older children, to ask what your life would be like if you removed the computer from your child's life entirely. I don't want to be put in the same catagory as people who blame you for his meltdowns, I am blaming his asynchronous development!!! But my son yearned for the computer as a way to get information in at a rate he wanted, and couldn't attain any other way. I went with it, but now wish I hadn't. It was just so great to see him so relieved to be getting that brain stim he was clearly yearning for. Knowing what I know now, I would have looked for older playmates to try and get that experience for him.
Add to this the usual amount of exhaustion, frustration and emotion when dealing with a high-energy, intensely independent child and there you have it.
Exactly - particularly in light of the fact that other mom's have other mom's to commiserate with and all you get is blame. Parenting isn't easy, and kids of a certian personality are even harder to parent.
The best I can piece together from my son's preschool experience, is that he was 'shamed' by being placed with agemates who he yearned to interact with, but got very little from. As a female, and a fairly non-competitive one at that, I really had very little idea of to what degree some young males know themselves by looking into the mirror of their compainions. What my son saw in that mirror horrified him. Since that time, he has gone to great lengths to hide any insecurities or weaknesses.
BTW - thanks so much for sharing the image of how you handled your son's letter. Total victory that was! That was very excellent parenting, and brought a tear to my eye. I think your instincts are lovely. I grew up knowing I was smart by very full of self-doubt, since it was clear that I wasn't 'like everyone else' so it much be something wrong with me, right? It isn't your fault that there aren't 10 moms on your block that you could tell that story to and would stand up and applaud you - but that's what you deserve.
Love and More Love,
Grintiy
