yes, I have similar experiences, but I would never ever ever leave the room after she commanded it because that would teach her that she is the one in control. I do not want to dominate my child, but boy oh boy she sure is not going to dominate me (and yes she tries every single bossy day of her life!).

My DD likes explanations too, but I try to keep them short otherwise a little tantrum / outburst would be reinforced by all that talking time and attention so her lesson would be: if I act defiant when my mom asks for space, I actually win because she will give me one on one talk time. I think I will try that again (not that she thinks that consciously about it).

I need time alone because I am a stay at home mom with them all day every day and I do tell them to back off because I need private time to use the bathroom or just catch my breath. I always ask nicely at first, but if it doesn't work, I will get very firm about it. I am not their ever available slave. I have had to train them to be able to do that over a long period and it doesn't always work, but did find that as I became more authoritarian, the more she tried to mimic that behavior. It is hard when your child is very strong willed. I tend to talk about my needing time alone, or privacy, or space and it is a good lesson for them to see a mother having boundaries so they can have their own when then need them.

I often need to explain to her why I need her to do something, and not just expect her to "obey" but I try to keep it brief and there are times I expect her to just give me space if I need it, so if she asks someone to stay away, not hug or kiss her, etc. we make sure to respect her need for boundaries.

Here is an example about her needing explanation: we tried many ways to get her to give up a pacifier which she kept until much older than expected, and nothing worked until I realized she was starting to develop an overbite. I showed her her mouth and explained why we needed to give it up (the overbite) and she threw it away that day and never touched it again whereas talk of "paci fairies" etc. was useless. She had to know for herself why to do or not do something.

Two useful books are The Kazdin Method and anything related to NHA.