JBDad-

I highly recommend the book:
The Explosive Child (http://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0060931027)

There is a lot of repetition, and the book is focused on the truly explosive child; however, the technique that he puts forth for understanding your child's perspective on an issue is helpful. Basically, it teaches you to stop and find out why DS is refusing/whining/shutting down/whatever in the face of a request/demand/change of plans/failure/etc. Using the ideas with my DS6, I found out that I grossly misunderstood his perspective and reasoning abilities. After a couple of weeks, it was less mechanical (and felt less like negotiating with a terrorist), and we now can address problems before they occur (except at school cuz I am not there).

Best.

For me, GT means Georgia Tech.