When defiance and minor fighting started to crop up at school, we instituted a zero-tolerance policy for school behavior, and stiff and enforced consequences to behavior he *knew* was inappropriate, ie looking a teacher square in the eye and saying "No!" when told to use the bathroom. He knows better, and I don't care how bored you are -- you still need to listen to and respect your teachers. His immediate behavior improved ... he was still *not happy,* but at least he wasn't coming home with negative behavior reports every day, which weren't helping his self-esteem. Making him responsible for his actions at school helped him with the lack of control he was feeling -- and my ds likes to feel in control! So the power to avoid an early bedtime and possibly earn an ice-cream trip at the end of the week was a big motivator for ds.
Yes! This line of thinking makes a lot of sense to me, Mia. Sometimes, no matter hard we try, we can't create an optimal school situation for our kids. But we can teach them more adaptable ways of showing their frustration. And that means consequences for showing any disrespect (the "battle" I pick with my kids) to other people. We can teach them this while still having empathy for them in their school situation.
