I think that a lot of the denial, grief and sadness for me has to do with the way that I grew up, unidentified and unaccomidated - I knew that I didn't fit in, and figured that it was my fault. I threw myself into sharpening up my social skills and an quite proud and please that I can be close and liked by people at every spot on the Bell Curve. But...the price I paid was a feeling of hypervigilence, feeling like I always had to keep my social face from slipping, and not knowing how to looks for friends that I would enjoy. I also bought the whole myth that 'the school's answer is the right answer' and that 'gifted kids are lucky, they can take care of themselves.
When I think that I was 'happy' to put my child in day care part time at 7 weeks of age so that he could 'at least have a chance' to be normal and not weird like me, while the feelings I had over leaving him there broke my heart. I was so gullible back then! I wasn't weird - I was different!
So I am SO grateful for that DS wasn't going to hide his difference, and that once I figured out his difference, I figured out my own!
I also think that, for me at least, I can mourn and rejoice at the same time! I taught my son the word 'Ambivilent' when he was 3. We loved using it. For us, the glass is always 'half full AND half empty.' I tend to gloss over the happy parts because I just assume that we all know and enjoy those parts - but you are right that it is a mistake!
I think that many gifties have eyes similar to an Amphibian, that we go through life seeing 'how it is' and 'how it could perfectly be' at the same time! I think that one of the major tasks of Gifted Adulthood is to be at peace with this double vision, and not drive the folks around you crazy! At work I on Friday, I was venting with a Co-worker about how 'particular' we are, and how we 'see every little defect' and then I looked up into the air and saw that a little red sticky had gotten stuck on the inside of the translucent panel of the flourescent light. I pointed to it, and we both laughed and laughed about our ODP. (Outer directed Perfectionism)
My guess is that being a foster parent has given you more self-knowledge and more self-confidence and more training in 'what is real and important right now' than I had when I started parenting. I'm so glad!
So Shari,
Me having feelings, and figuring that this is the place to share them, isn't meant to suggest that there is anything wrong with your son! You were wiser than I, and homeschooled right off the bat. I blindly sent my son into a situation that was more than what he could handle, and I sat through meeting after meeting were the school folks said really mean things to me. They litterally came out and said that he was poorly behaved because I was a bad parent. How did I not notice that my son was different back when he was 5? I knew that people in my family were all smart; I just couldn't imagine that we had unique learning needs. It would have meant admitting that I was different - not wrong, that in this particular area everyone else I grew up with was wrong and I was right - and I just couldn't do that until my son was suffering so activly that I had to...
Very interesting to think about!
Love and more Love,
Grinity
