Hi Shari ... I understand what you're saying, and I certainly don't disagree -- I wouldn't knock off 30 points from ds's IQ if I could. He's a joy and a nut and I love many parts of parenting a PG child. He keeps me on my toes.

The denial is just not realizing how far out of the norm the child is -- I was only 20 when ds6 was born, I was a first-time mom, and my family is littered with MG and HG adults and children, and even another PG young adult. I didn't realize how far above the curve ds was, and certainly was in denial as to how he'd fit in a standard classroom. I thought he was bright, and when I got his test scores back, it was a rude awakening.

Certainly, one has their own definitions of "normal," and this is his "normal." I made that point to his old school while advocating for him; they said he should be allowed to be a "normal" 5yo, and I made the point that this is *his* normal, this is *his* 5, and we needed to meet him there.

So I completely get your "normal" point -- it's just that his normal isn't the rest of the world's "normal." A 5yo who gets in fist fights at school because he literally can't stand the repetition isn't acting "normally" in a K situation. A child who reads chapter books at 4 isn't "normal". In fact, at our family Christmas gathering, ds-now-6 was reading the back of his new polymer kit, and a family member came right out and said, "*How* old is he? That's not normal!"

So I think a lot of parents mourn the loss of that normal. Personally, I don't; I think it's kind of neat, actually! I didn't mind him flying through the toddler learning stages, it was a lot of fun.

However, I can't say life wouldn't be *easier* if he were a little more "normal". I've had to make enormous sacrifices to make sure he's in a relatively healthy school environment. I know your public school is working with your ds, but ours wasn't and *wouldn't* -- so he's going to a $15K-a-year school that *does*. That means we can't move too far in case we can't find something equivalent. That means that I need to stay in a career that I *hate* in order to pay for it. That means that he doesn't get the experience of a community school with neighborhood playmates.

When I got his test scores back, I had a few months of panic in realizing exactly what the problem was at school and what it might take to fix those problems. It sounds like you didn't have that reaction, which is great, but I know I did and a lot of people here did -- especially those who schools weren't so accommodating. It takes a lot more attention and effort to make sure an HG+ child is challenged at school, and I for one was intimidated and worried that I'd be up to that challenge. And school is a big part of a child's life -- they're there for 7 hours a day, which is a lot. A poor school match can be harmful in the long run.

Of course, having an HG+ kid is pretty minor when compared to having a child with cancer. But the worry is still there -- what if I fail my child, what if I can't provide what he needs?

I also think that a lot of the "sadness and despair" posts lately have been with the exhausting nature of some of these kids -- they're *more.* Have you read Dabrowski's over-exiteabilities? They can make parenting an HG+ child an exhausting proposition. Maybe your ds doesn't exhibit any of these, or maybe he exhibits all of them and it doesn't phase you ... but personality-wise, it's exhausting for me to raise my ds who exhibits all 5 of them strongly.

http://www.stephanietolan.com/dabrowskis.htm

So, again, I woudn't change him, and I don't feel grief or sadness that he's the way he is. I do feel some grief that our life is changed because of it. I do feel sad I can't leave my crappy job to find something to which I'm better suited -- I'm paid well. And I'm a bit sad that I can't just send him off to school like many parents can and expect him to thrive there. It's hard to grow up an HG+ child, because you are so different from your peers -- there's no denying that the 6yo spouting off facts about cone volcanoes is not "normal." So I feel sad that he's going to have to work harder to find people with his interests that he'll want to bond with.

But ... I love the way he sees the world. I love the way his brain makes connections. I love when he's in a good situation and I know it. Sadness, grief and denial at *having* an HG+ child? Nope, not here. Sadness at the situation it causes for me and our family? Sometimes. <shrug>

Mia