Well, I am praying I will be sensitive in what I say, because I don't know if what I say will be what you want to hear.
about me...I have FOUR twice exceptional teenagers right now - 13b, 15b, 17g, 19g. All accelerated at least two years in every subject (except 13yo in writing). Only because I feel like I have put so much time and EFFORT into thinking, trying, and doing what is right for each of them, gives me a humble motivation that what I say may help you...and others on this list.
What I think your son needs is a parent not a friend. Remember that at best you have 3 years with him at home. Short time for influencing any more, but you can.
First, I think the advice to let your son game for focus reasons is BUNK. Let him learn to focus on other things he loves to do. If he has none, ask him to come up with five things and explore them to help him find a passion or two. You will need to take the initiative and help him find the right mentor/activity/classes. And taking away the gaming device takes care of the "inventive" means of electronic controls.
Second, don't send him away for a year to a horse ranch. He is lost and needs parents right now more than ever. (We think when they are walking and potty-trained things just get easier and they no longer need us as much when in reality they need us more as teens, since they are now dealing with decisions/consequences that will influence their lives).
Third, don't worry about grades as much as whether he is learning or not. If high school is a waste of time academically, college courses are a good choice, but also have him do service through high school/college clubs, maybe even start one. Helping others often shows us the difference we can make in others lives. Teenagers need to know they matter, and service opportunities are a great way to remind them that they do! (Maybe he could start a club that collects older game systems and games, movies too, for donation to a local hospital. Bed bound teens would love this!)
Fourth, if he chooses a short-cut school, make sure he uses an accredited school and that he really is ready for college courses in all subjects. If he's not, keep him at the high school with the ones he lags in, or college will not be a successful experience for him.
One final note...this one is for everyone on the list...
There IS a problem with this generation of teens. I listened to an expert speak at a seminar and talked to my kids about it and they added to this.
1) Teens today are not trustworthy of others as much as in the past. This has to do with the cynical nature of society. They develop the attitude that "I better watch out for myself, since no one will." As parents, we need to tell them that we are not going to "freak" when they make mistakes or wrong choices...that if they want to stand against the crowd (including teachers/principals) for something they believe in, we will hands down support their point of view and stand beside them.
2) Teens today feel entitled. Again, some of this is due to society and some is due to the lack of poverty in U.S. the past few generations. They have things handed to them so easily. It is good for teens to not have every game, Ipod, cell phone type of contraption everyone else does, especially if they didn't work for it. The problem with entitlement is that when you feel entitled you are not motivated to do anything since "you deserve it."
Many moms can relate to this problem when we feel we deserve to lie around since we are truly overwhelmed. If done too long, we become depressed and forget what used to motivate us, what our passions used to be, and just figure lying around is the best way to spend our time.
3) Teens lack opportunities to find out just how smart and special they are. This is where we come in. We have to make opportunities available to them, so they can "discover" that they matter and can make a difference in the world.
My words aren't just hype, but from my heart, since I live with these guys daily (except 19yo at college). I could go on...but I hope these words help, even if it's only in a small way.
Please feel free to email me privately.
