I am not an expert - my oldest is 8. However, I wanted to suggest something that is working quite well for us. We give each child 30 minutes of screen time/day (ie TV, gaming, internet, etc). If they want more than that, they can "earn" more. For example, my DD8 was having behavior issues at school, so we worked with the school to setup an incentive system where she earns points for getting work done at school. Then, we convert the points to minutes of screen time. While other incentive programs have not worked at all for DD8, this is having moderate success (she really loves screen time!). When she doesn't earn any extra screen time, we use empathy "what a bummer... you can try again next time". When she 'sneaks' extra screen time, all screen time is suspended until she 'earns' it back. She can earn it back usually in a week or so by going above and beyond, ie helping us around the house more, doing a great job at school, getting extra exercise, etc.
I also recommend finding a mentor for him in the gaming industry.
For your general issues, I highly recommend using "Love and Logic" (
Love and Logic ). The premise behind it is that we need to let kids make mistakes while they're young, before the stakes are high. Their techniques help you resist the urge to swoop in and rescue them or lecture them, etc. You set limits, consistently enforce the limits in an empathetic way, and watch them learn to make good choices. The company has specific classes and books for parenting teenagers.
