My son is a really nice kid. He's shy but when he opens up he is kind. What makes connection hard with same aged peers also is over excitability. I don't know how else to describe it but when he gets upset..he gets really upset. His best friend would do something by accident and he would insist it's on purpose and made the other child feel really bad. He is intense and very aware of things and yet can't handle the situation well. I guess this is where the asynchrony kicks in. He wants friends but said most of the kids are so annoying. I think he just want to find kids who are more like him and can understand.
We have had many of the same issues. My boy's giftedness was only discovered upon a neuropsych eval done in Kindergarten when he had some substantial behavioral issues. He was suspended for trying to throttle another child, and was mighty disruptive in the classroom, usually over being asked to write (he was deeply frustrated with his ability to output). His issues were severe enough to warrant an IEP, which worked well for us. We had some great teamwork with the school, and he's in a great place now, behaviorally.
We found this book to be incredibly useful- we worked from it over the period from K-2nd grade. I highly recommend giving it a try. Good luck!
https://www.amazon.com/What-When-Your-Temper-Flares/dp/1433801345
