Yes, we have this going on too. DS12 often makes statements or expresses opinions in a manner that others could find offensive or annoying. He has consistently stated that he doesn't know that he does this and is not aware of the negative vibe that his voice and body language give off.
DS here has begun to understand that he *does* give off a vibe, but doesn't know what he's doing, exactly. He did make the comment that it's because of his "resting b*%$ face and resting b*%$ voice" (which I realize is inappropriate, but it doesn't bother me--he turned an internet meme into a new thing) and he is right. His voice quality is highly nasal and he sounds kind of arrogant but it ALWAYS sounds like that. Also, it was cute and professor-y until it suddenly...wasn't.
Lately we've had some success with asking him to "Say that again but in a nicer fashion." He seems to get a grip and manage to control his tone when reminded.
But I see this being an uphill battle for him, especially around people who are context-sensitive. This is not an issue that we are ready to engage in just yet - DS has more pressing concerns - but it will be something we have to address soon.
I may try something like that "say it nicer" and/or have him practice saying things differently. Last year, he was so frustrated by everyone misunderstanding him all the time, he finally came up with "just don't say anything," but I do not want him to think that's his only option.
To tell the truth, I really think for the most part the adults are more annoyed by him than the kids. As far as I can tell, other kids like him. At school functions, he's more or less mobbed by his classmates. I think because he is funny.
