There is a subtext that appears on this board quite frequently. Usually hidden in discussions about advocacy, college options, or career choices. There's a sense that having a highly intelligent child gives a parent a responsibility to make sure they do meet their potential... That having been given a gift, there's an obligation to use it well.
As I said, it's subtle, but it's there. For example, it's one thing to accelerate because your child is miserable being held back... but what if they aren't miserable? What if they are perfectly happy just coasting along, not having to work very hard? And if your child has a particular skill or talent in an area, do they have to grow up to take advantage of that? Certainly no parent would wish for their child to grow up to be unhappy and unsuccessful, but does that mean they have to use every bit of their intellect, skill, and talent? Or is it OK to take a job that's less stimulating and focus on other things?
If the lack of challenge in school means your child never learns to work hard, is that OK? Can they grow up and get through college and find a job and still never have to work hard? Do we mind if they do? Or is learning to work hard and strive to learn things a critical life skill?
I admit I don't know the answers. DD pushes us and was ill-equipped to be understimulated in regular school. She made our decision to accelerate easy. But at the same time I have to remind myself -- and her -- that it's not a race. What's the prize for graduating early and starting college at 14 (which is her stated goal)? Getting a graduate degree and a job early too? Starting your long working life early? Is that OK? Or maybe she should just relax and take some time to fool around and slow down?
Right now her schooling is making her happy. But I know she'd also love to be a normal kid in a normal class with age mates too. We think we made the right choice, but we'll never know. She can't have it all.
Interestingly my father asked these same sort of questions, and he decided that it was better for us to enjoy (and coast through) our lives than to try and grab some arbitrary brass ring. He also worked just enough in order to not work (he placed more value on having free time). He was also highly educated at top schools and was from a high achieving family -and suffered from anxiety- so he was moving in the opposite direction from how he was raised.
I do often have the feeling of having not ever reached my potential- knowing you are gifted often makes you feel you have a responsibility not to "squander your gifts".
If we make the analogy of a beautiful woman- does she have to become a model because she was born with these particular genes? Or someone who excels at athletics- we don't demand that they go into professional sports (well some parents do I guess).
I guess it depends on the child…but you are right, you can't have it all. I am struggling with this myself now as my children complain of being bored at school but do not seem to need acceleration…too much seems familiar to me from my own experience but I don't know what to do about it.
