In some cases, a focus on finding a diagnosis for a gray-area child could be counterproductive. I have already spent money and time having my child assessed and finding nothing. I am weary of it and at this point I do not want to spend more money finding nothing because she is savvy and compensates well in a testing environment.
And I think, Ultra, that you've done a lot of strategic thinking about the issues that *are* clearly there, and ways to help her learn and grow and manage them. That seems like the most important thing.
(DH and I are probably each 1/2 to 3/4 of a case of ASD. Not diagnosable, but part of the "broader autism phenotype." I get it.)
A diagnosis is a tool-- as is a therapeutic strategy, a curriculum, and so on. The diagnostic tools we have are so imperfect, and yes, they don't always fit that well. Sometimes you just have to keep teaching skills, treating issues as you find them, and see what emerges.
What I don't consider a good approach is excusing behavior that's disruptive or disordered or distressing on the grounds that the child is gifted. We've BTDT, and it set us back for the long term. I'd rather see the challenges addressed than excused.
